Welcome to Holland

Updated: Aug 2, 2019

Written in 1987, Welcome to Holland was Emily Kingsley's way of describing parenthood of a child with Down Syndrome:

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

And then I happened across 'Why I hate Welcome to Holland' on Autism, Or Something Like It by Momma Dulock. Reading through this post reminded me of a conversation I had a number of years back with a parent of a daughter with Down Syndrome. It was around the time the local parent support group was ending. At the time the support group for parents with children on the Autism Spectrum was powering along.


The parent laughed as she said parents are shaped by their children's needs. Parents of a child with Down Syndrome tend to be slower paced, more disorganised and far less rigid than parents of a child with ASD. It's a generalisation and so there will always be exceptions but I have to admit, I think it's a truth. We are shaped by our children's needs.


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